Friday, October 29, 2010

a miracle

 We are so excited to be 14 weeks pregnant.  It has been tumultuous and every emotion has been present.  I feel blessed to  be Joshua's mother and to have another beautiful child coming.  We are hoping, praying, and preparing for this blessing.  Our doctor has been sent straight from heaven.  He has been reassuring, understanding, helpful and kind. We have had three appointments so far and I am feeling quite good about it all.  We have a medical grade Doppler to use compliments of our sweet doctor. Miracles happen do not think the time for those has passed.   

Sunday, October 24, 2010


My sweet 12 year old daughter had to teach the lesson in Young Woman's (the organization for our church's young girls) today.  It is stressful to teach your peers, but she has been preparing for a week and a half.  Her topic was on taking care of our bodies.  She was doing a great job on her own so I just let her be and offered minimal help and a lot of encouragement and prayers.  So this morning as she was sleeping I read through the lesson to make sure she had covered everything she needed to and was prepared.   The last part of the lesson was basically if you take care of your body your posterity will be safe and healthy.  I started crying immediately.  I have done a lot to care for my body all my life.  I have never participated in drugs, alcohol(none), smoking anything, etc....   I have tried to exercise and eat correctly.  Anyway I asked her what her plan was and she said she was going to skip it because it is not fair or true and she didn't believe it because of our Joshua.   It is true that your baby has a better chance if you do those things but definitely it does not ensure healthy happy babies.  Some very healthy women have children with challenges, some are not able to have any children, some women have their children die before birth, some have their children die due to tragic accidents.  We cannot ensure anything we just have to do our best to do what is best.  I don't know if I made sense just wanted to get this down because it bothered me and my daughter and I don't always have answers when my children need them.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Wave of light and day of rememberance

October such a time of year.  Everything changing and emerging.  I have been reading many blogs since our Joshua left.  They have helped me have strength and power to keep moving forward and to look for happy things in my life.  There are beautiful women who have beautiful angels that keep watch over us.  One particular blog has the message sent from heaven in the title next to the mother's beautiful first born.  Every time I go to that page the s looks like a r to me and I thought the phrase was rent from heaven until closer look.  I know her intent was sent but As I think of all 4 of my children rent is more appropriate.  None of our children are only ours.  I believe they also belong to a very loving Heavenly Father (God).  He cares deeply for each of them.  Though some only stay moments or seconds or come and go and some we get to watch grow and help them on their path.  Someone loves them and us as much as we love our angels and desires to have each child return home.  This brings me comfort and peace.    I remembered and thought of each of the angels I have met through their mothers.  I truly wish no one would ever get the news their sweet baby was dead, dying or ill.  Thanks for the lights lit by everyone.  Kappy

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


I was talking with a friend today and she told me they took her sisters baby at 35 weeks because she was so worried about her baby and her doctor decided that their were enough reasons to induce and they saved her baby from the placental rupture that had started to occur. 

I have heard so many stories of people being prompted and getting to the hospital just in time to save their babies and all being well.  I have wondered why this did not happen for me and my Joshua.  I have decided that it was not the way it was to be for him.  His plan was to come for such a short moment and then to go.  I will not ever know the whys but I know I did my part and my family also.