Saturday, January 30, 2010

Six Months

Joshua has been gone from us for six months.   As I have had time to reflect upon him and his subsequent death, birth and funeral etc..   I have thought about little things I know about my son.   He is extremely obedient.  Every time I would ask him to kick so I knew he was there he did (until the end) Every time I worried if I could handle 4 children I would feel peace.  He was gentle and mild mannered.  He of course moved like crazy which I enjoyed.  I believe he was thinking of me when I was unaware of his pregnancy until 24 weeks.  With two prior miscarriages I am a wreck until I see a heartbeat and the little pumpkin moving around.  It was great not to worry about that with him.  He was healthy happy and a boy everything I dreamed of.  Completing my picture perfect family 2 boys and 2 girls.  Then to have him taken from us.   Some days I still wonder what I missed.  I have always been incredibly sensitive to others needs.  Why did I miss his signs of distress?  I didn't really I scheduled an appointment and I went a week before we were told he died.  I sat on the exam table as the doctor pronounced me and my Joshua healthy and safe.  He is a specialist.  I trust him explicitly. I would not have my miracle Rachel without his expertise.   I saw him(Joshua) on the ultrasound.  He was OK.  The heartbeat was strong and good.  He was just breech.  I can handle that.  Not his plan or mine.  Someday I will know all.  But now.      I walk by faith...

Friday, January 22, 2010

A Mother's Heart

I recieved this poem from a dear friend after the dealth of my sweet Joshua. 

A Mother's Heart
A mother sheds a silent tear for her precious son.
She bows her head in quiet prayer Thy will, not mine be done.

Her little child a perfect soul left God's Heavenly Throne.
He came to earth but could not stay His Father called him home.

His time was short, his mission done. He came and left his love
Footprints in her heart he placed. In peace he dwells above.

With empty arms, and tender heart she walks with faith, not fear.
She feels God's love surrounding her and knows He's always near.

Wrapped in the cloak of Heavenly Peace the comfprter provides,
She finds the strength to carry on, God's angels by her side.

Again she sheds a silent tear for her Angel Son,
Then bows her head and humbly prays, Thy will Dear God be done.
Marilyn Linford, 2009

Thursday, January 14, 2010


Last Sunday in church a the new young women and young men's theme for this year jumped out off the page at the front of the room.  The first thing that caught my eye was that it is in the book of Joshua.  This book has brought special meaning into my life lately.  I know I have read it before but I did not realize the great miracles and words that are in the book.   Seeing his name brings happiness and joy to my heart.  I then read the message and it was just what I need right now to keep my chin up and my spirits happy.  It reads as follows:
"Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest"     Joshua 1   Good words for everyone especially for me.